Peter Cook and Dudley Moore again

A while back I posted a link to a classic comedy sketch from Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Well, it's time for another one! Here is the classic "facts of life" sketch on Youtube.

Watch out for warm chairs!

Failure to THRIVE

A friend posted a link to this shocking advert on Costco's website. Ah yes, a 1-year supply of freeze-dried and dehydrated food, just what I was looking for! (If only the characters in The Road had been smart enough to order some of these before Armageddon).

Something in me just cries "No!" when I see this. And it doesn't get any better when you watch the videothat goes along with this product. It starts off sounding like a testimonial from someone you've never seen before. It turns out she works for the company that makes the stuff, but don't worry, she's not biased.

Certified Man Cave

What is a certified Man Cave, you ask? Well, thankfully, this website provides the answer:

• Construction must be managed by a Man Cave Builders licensed contractor using elements such as: Wood, Stone, Leather, Metal and Glass.
• Media design and install must be overseen by a professional Man Cave Builders media representative.
• The project should include at least 3 of the following components:
• Bar
• Multiple TV Monitors
• Game Table
• Video Game Console
• Comfortable Seating: couches, love seat, bar stools, theater seating
• Audio/Video Media Center
• Must be a dedicated space for entertaining.
• The new Man Cave room must be themed to fit within the Man Cave philosophy and standards and be "marked" accordingly within the Man Cave Certification process but always tastefully befitting the room's design.
• The three founders of Man Cave Builders must fully inspect and are required to "sign off" on the room's certification.

Right, well, I'll get right on that then...

Peter Cook and Dudley Moore

I was reminded today of the great comedy duo of Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. One of my favourite sketches (which I was sure I had posted here before, but it seems not) is the pub sketch. Here it is:

LBJ Can Haz Pants?

A friend on Facebook posted a link to this classic recording of a phone call made by then-president Linden Johnson: Linden B. Johnson orders some new Haggar pants

In this telephone call, which has become one of the more famous exchanges LBJ
recorded, the President asked a leader of the Haggar clothing company for some
custom-made pants, providing specific (and sometimes graphic) instructions on
how they should be customized for him.

Never let it be said that I don't post educational information on this blog!

Spam, spam, spam, bacon, egg and spam

One wonders what the advertising folks were smoking when they came up with this new TV advertisement for SPAM.

Music, comedy and other link clearances...

This will be a bit of a "grab bag" of links.

Some music news:

• A new album from Eels is coming out on June 2nd, called "Hombre Lobo". Check out the video for the first single here, and pre-order the CD here.
• Elvis Costello has a new album "Secret, Profane and Sugarcane", also coming out on June 2nd, and is on tour. He'll be at Ch. Ste Michelle this summer.
• Amadou & Mariam will be opening for Coldplay at Washington's Gorge amphitheater on July 11th. I guess they have arrived :)
• Marymoor have some fun concerts this summer, such as Duran Duran and The Decemberists.

Movie news:

• "A Matter of Loaf and Death", a new Wallace and Gromit short will be shown during SIFF.

Humour links:

One of the British folks in my team at work mentioned this comedian, whom I had not heard of before: Bill Bailey. Apparently his "Guide to the Orchestra" show is great, and is coming out on DVD in the UK, so I hope it ends up being released across the pond too.

Here are some Youtube links in the meantime:

• Foreign Ambulance Sirens: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRyvsRAo8T8
• Dr Who: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfMVFp-SAlQ
• Emo Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4oX2qK9yMg
• American Rock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=no7tyW31ekE
• German Love Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj6GX8gOwgc
• Kraftwerk: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82HHglwXA24
• Belgium (and the oddest heckle ever): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7rCqFOENaI

Tunnel needs amusing

Lately I have been mis-reading a lot of the news headlines about the proposed tunnel which will replace the Alaskan Way viaduct.

For some reason the phrase "Viaduct bored tunnel" makes me think of a tunnel sitting listlessly in the mud, wondering what to do... Perhaps we should get some balloons for it?

PS: It looks like we may get our own version of the "Big Dig" if this plan goes ahead! I must say, it was quite exciting to ride through the huge tunnels in Boston - some even went under the water! Freaky!

Cake of Resignation

Quite a novel way of resigning! :)

"The Colonel"

Via SeriousEats:

Great Ken Levine quote

Ken Levine has some thoughts on the inauguration, including this great zinger aimed at Cheney:


"We always knew Dick Cheney was Dr. Strangelove"

'Twas the vuln before Christmas

As a Christmas gift to Microsoft, a hacker released proof-of-concept code for a Windows Media Player crash that at first was reported to be exploitable.

The SVRD bloggers quickly poured cold water on that, but I found this poetic response amusing enough to link to from here: http://vrt-sourcefire.blogspot.com/2008/12/vuln-before-christmas.html

A quick snippet:

A file template built, Pat now had the vision,
To find oddness in song tempo, and time division,
and what in my windbg window should appear,
but a #DE error, no int overflow here!

Now checking in IDA, and tweaking edx,
no memory moved, no additional wrecks,
not a vuln at all here! Not nearly the same,
I can't believe we stopped drinking for something so lame!

Apple CEO "Choose Your Own Adventure"

I was just reminiscing about the old "choose your own adventure" books I read as a kid, and now I see there is an online version in which you get to see what happens after you pick a new CEO for Apple.

Silly CAPTCHAs

Ken Levine has a fun contest underway on his blog: whoever can come up with the most humorous made-up definition for a Google CAPTCHA wins a cool prize. You enter by posting a comment under the post linked to above.

I have a few entries posted already, and in the process was offered this CAPTCHA which is too rude to enter:

Proposition 8

Thanks to Lucia for pointing this out! (If the embedding doesn't work, try this link instead)

Secret Pizza

Updated: 11/15
There are a few posts on the Pacific NW Chowhound forum about this...
---

I had an incredible pizza! Seriously,, my life is forever changed! Unfortunately, I can't tell you where I had it, or I will be killed...

Sound far-fetched? That's what I thought when I read the latest email offering from Garagiste (a wine mailing list I'm on). The owner, Jon Rimmerman, waxes rhapsodic for over 1,400 words describing a (presumably recent) pizza dining experience.

Garagiste have tickled my sense of humour/BS-detector a few times in the past, but this is a new level of tickling :) Is there anything more pretentious and snobby than this sort of email?

Here it is for your reading pleasure (spelling errors preserved) :


“So when do you open” I asked the keen looking gentleman standing inside the doorway outside this cult haven for pizza.


“I’m not sure, when do you want us to open” he said and stared at me with the eyes of a demon waiting for a response.


“How about now” I meekly stuttered as I glanced at the dozen other wide-eyed souls waiting outside, waiting for me (or anyone) to take charge of the situation.


“we'll see...we'll see”, his thick accent pierced the air as he slammed the door in my face.


....and so began my journey to one of the most talked about pizza establishments in the world (at the present moment) - no sign, no menu, no wait-staff. There may be nothing to eat, but there is everything to look forward to. If he feels like making pizza, you are graced with the most divine creation that basil, cheese, sauce and dough have ever quantified. If he doesn’t, you walk away knowing that there is always another day. The only clue that this “restaurant” may be open is a pyramid of hand-made mozzarella balls being depleted one-by-one as the pizzas are produced - you can glance through the window at the dwindling stack of rotund cheese bricks and gauge your chances of actually eating a pizza - if there are more than 20-30 people waiting outside and it looks like only 15-20 mozzarella balls left, you may as well leave. When the cheese is gone, they close - even if you’ve waited for 2 hours in the rain. All of this is certain restaurant suicide but, in this case, there is a longer line outside everyday.


How can this obtuse attitude be tolerated? Easy - the pizza in among the finest gastronomic creations in the world and the difficulty obtaining it is almost part of the appeal.


Every ingredient is made form scratch - everything - the cheese, the dough, the sauce. The basil is grown on site and a plethora of sea salts, vinegars and olive oils adorn the pies like necessary accoutrement in a haberdashery window. The pizza is so marvelous, so deeply complex that it renders the person enjoying it helpless to enjoy another more common pie again. Excuses are made for what used to be heavenly but your pizza reference will never be the same. Like the finest Musigny, once your lips have graced its presence, you are ruined for everything else...


...just then, I felt a hand on my shoulder, I quickly turned around and was face to face with the above mentioned demon “you, come inside now”. I didn’t question his invitation - in I marched toward what could have been the macabre, the underworld, the unknown - but I marched inside like a lemming toward the cliffs of Dover awaiting my fate...


Once inside, it was not what I expected - a few scattered, simple tables with other patrons chomping on what smelled and looked like the most divine food one could imagine. I stood there waiting and he stared, without so much as a blink - after what seemed like a full five minutes he faintly said, “What will you eat?”


I wasn’t sure if it was a trick question but I responded with one foot poised to retreat if I was wrong “Pizza?”


“Good answer and for you, because I can tell you are difficult, I will break the rules and make you a half and half...when it is your time”


With that he vanished into the den of burning logs, sticks and what appeared to be full tree branches smoldering away inside the most incredible wood-burning oven I’ve ever seen ( I would later find out that this secret combination of wood, some of it olive tree branches with the olive fruit still attached, was a secret to his success). A “half and half”? I pitied the more sheepish diners, who would not be amused with a no-menu policy - I consider myself to be among the more adventurous but stories of calf brain on pizza dough did not stoke my appetite besides, the mozzarella balls were being depleted quicker than I liked to see, one at a time, like sands through my hourglass, the chances of tasting this ever so hyped gastronomic achievement were dwindling (I still had not been offered a table yet).


Ball after ball was removed from the stack and my unsettled feeling increased until only four lonely pieces remained - they were the lock and key to the lucky few that would experience the splendor on this night - and then, when I was sure all was lost, my luck changed with ball number three, it was mine.


After hours of nervous anticipation, waiting in the rain and one of the most bizarre dining experiences I can ever recall, my pizza was presented....and what a creation it was. As I type this, my fingers tremble with the memory of a piping hot pie, razor-thin and so aromatic the charred scents of embers were embedded in the perfect crust and superlative raw materials that adorned the top. Visually, the pizza was indeed “half and half” - half was as plain as you can get - dough, sauce and hand-made cheese but the world “plain” does not prepare one for the perfection of the experience. The other half was very intriguing - what appeared to be wood-roasted onion, fennel, peppers of some variety and tiny specks of roasted fresh porcini mushrooms with the most delicate olive oil made famous in the region sprinkled on top.


The first bite was as anticipated as any first encounter I can remember and the aromatic and taste sensation was like a sensory explosion - with each nibble the ingredients would stand out as individuals (down to the flour and water) and then again as an amorphous whole as the pizza made its way down the gullet.


Rarely do I find myself in a circumstance where I keep glancing at the clock, not because I want the experience to end but just the opposite - I longed for each moment past to return unadorned, as I knew this pizza would end at some point and it seemed unfair. Each bite was from a place never before experienced - to say this was the finest pizza I’ve ever had was underestimating the detail and genius of the man that had tried as hard as he could to shoo me away only to captivate my gustatory senses like no other (and I’ve spent the better part of my adult life searching for the perfect pie)...


...and then one bite remained. One bite - the last bite. I looked at it for a few moments and wondered if I would ever experience this again - most likely not as the establishment was so off the beaten path that even I had trouble finding it and I was not sure I would ever pass that way again. It was immersed in a national forest of sorts, in mountains that were foreboding enough, if not made more mysterious by the dining experience within their deepest shadows.


The tap on the shoulder came again...


“You are not a journalist are you?” as he noticed my non-sensical scribbles trying to place what had just occurred into some form of language on paper.


“No, I write about wine - I just love food”


“You will not write about my pizza, correct?”, as the demon-like eyes seemed to stare through me and the wall behind me...


“No, well, yes I need to write about it - it was sublime, incredible, unlike anything else - I need to tell people”


“I will make you a deal - you agree not to write about the pizza and I will agree to let you to leave”


With that, I made my first deal with the devil - I made him a promise not to reveal the name or location of this singular shrine and in exchange, he agreed to let me to leave, to carry on with my post-pizza life. I’m still not sure if I received the better half of the deal.


As I walked toward the door, toward the crisp night sky, I resisted the temptation to turn around but I felt those eyes burning through me and in a hushed voice I’m certain I heard him say...


“You'll be back”

Nailin' Palin: the prank call

If you haven't hard it yet, the Huffington Post have it online here.

The Nigerian scam anthem?

By way of Deputy Dan:
I go chop your dollar.

How to east sushi

I was recently reminded of this fun video that spoofs Japanese sushi-ya etiquette, so here it is:

Word Association Football

I was reminded of this for no particular reason today: One of my favourite Monty Python pieces is the "Word Association Football" sketch from the Matching Tie and Handkerchief album.
(Can I get a shout-out for for Michael Palin?)

It's definitely worth listening to, but the script is pretty funny on its own:

Tonight's the night I shall be talking about of flu the subject of word association football. This is a technique out a living much used in the practice makes perfect of psychoanalysister and brother and one that has occupied piper the majority rule of my attention squad by the right number one two three four the last five years to the memory.

It is quite remarkable baker charlie how much the miller's son this so-called while you were out word association immigrants' problems influences the manner from heaven in which we sleekit cowering timrous beasties all-American speak, the famous explorer. And the really well that is surprising partner in crime is that a lot and his wife of the lions' feeding time we may be c d e effectively quite unaware of the fact or fiction section of the Watford Public Library that we are even doing it is a far, far better thing that I do now then, now then, what's going onward christian Barnard the famous hearty part of the lettuce now praise famous mental homes for loonies like me.

So on the button, my contention causing all the headaches, is that unless we take into account of Monte Cristo in ourthinking George the Fifth this phenomenon the other hand we shall not be able satisfact or fiction section of the Watford Public Library againily to understand to attention when I'm talking to you and stop laughing, about human nature, man's psychological make-up some story the wife'll believe and hence the very meaning of life itselfish bastard, I'll kick him in the balls Pond Road.

My high school French teacher would sometimes allow us to kick back and relax in class by playing this (in English!). Great fun - something to try on your long summer road trips maybe?